He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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