Duck Duck Cougar?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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