today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
