): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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