I cockslap morals
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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