Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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