but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
