I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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