watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
