so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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