In the future we'll all be gay
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
