Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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