Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
