talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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