NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
