I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
