You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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