Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
