i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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