my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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