she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
