my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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