I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
