got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
