Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
