I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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