also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
