Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
