Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
