So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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