i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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