Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
