Did you just see the Batmobile???
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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