How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
