marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
