There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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