how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
