Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
