dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
