If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
