I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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