I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
