I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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