We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
