make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
