you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I am naked and annoyed.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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