He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
