a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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