you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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