we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
