so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
