This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
